Month: September 2020

The 19th Anniversary of 9/11

JoAnne Tucker / / Personal Life

This year, as September 11th approached, I found myself reflecting on the spiritual changes that were triggered by that day and how I relate to those changes now.  Are they still valid for me now? Was it a detour? Have my beliefs strengthened or changed?  This is not a normal year for me and I hunch it is not normal for anyone else.  The pandemic has impacted all of our lives in some way.  Murray’s declining health is also another factor and I am finding my daily life as a caretaker something very new and challenging.  And of course we moved to Costa Rica the end of January this year. So this is a good time to assess if I am on the right track with a philosophy-spiritual path that can be helpful.

The 70’s saw me exploring Judaism through dance, looking to find how I might relate to prayers that up to that point had held little meaning for me.  I found a sense of satisfaction by embodying the intent (or at least my personal intent) of the prayer through movement, at first in my own body and then later as a choreographer with the members of the company expressing my and their interpretation.  The 80’s focused a lot on exploring the Torah through what we called dance midrash.  A shift began toward the end of the 80’s and continued through the 90’s where the emphasis was in building bridges between communities, particularly the Black and Jewish community. Throughout all three decades I was looking for the feminist voice of the “divine.”  And I was beginning to have my doubts about whether I could continue to relate to doing midrash to find the feminine voice in Judaism.  So when 9/11 happened I was already questioning things a lot.

9/11 was itself especially traumatic because at that time we lived in Jersey City about three blocks from the river, directly across from the World Trade Center.  In fact we usually took the PATH train into the WTC and then either transferred to a subway or walked.  So WTC was very much part of our neighborhood.  On 9/11 I was home when the first plane hit.  Murray had gone into work early and was already through the WTC and at his job site.  Our daughter Rachel called me in a panic, worried about her father, as she knew the route he usually took.  I asked why and she told me to turn on the TV and briefly told me what happened. I told her Murray had left early but as soon as I heard from him I would let her know. Her voice was filled with panic, as she had been on one of the top floors when the WTC had been bombed back in 1993.  She remembered the long walk down to the ground.  Murray called in saying he was fine and I asked him to call Rachel and assure her he was OK, which he did.

Knowing Murray was OK, I walked down to the river and joined our next-door neighbor.  The second building was still standing and sadly we could see specks falling from the top floors.  They were actually people jumping.  And then we saw the building collapse.  Over the next days, smoke and a sharp strange smell were in the air.  People were reaching out to each other in a way that they had not before.  When we would see someone we knew even casually in our neighborhood, we would hug each other, glad to see we were OK. Everyone had their story to share about the day.

The Jewish High Holidays were around the corner and I will always remember the Rosh Hashanah Eve service where Rabbi Larry Raphael (of blessed memory) asked us to turn to someone we didn’t know and share where we had been on 9/11.  The buzz in the room was tremendous.  We wanted to talk to each other about our experiences.  Then he guided us back to the service and it became flat for me.  The prayers were not resonating.

Within a few weeks of 9/11 Thich Nhat Hahn came to town and a friend took me to a service he was leading at Riverside Church.  It was packed and there was something about the event that was nurturing and I began meditating more regularly.  I had been meditating before but hadn’t really gotten into doing any Buddhist reading nor did I know any of the philosophy.  My exposure had been through Jewish adaptations. Within the next month Joseph Goldstein, Sharon Salzberg and Sylvia Boorstein all led events  in Manhattan.  I attended all three and my meditation practice deepened.  

When we moved to Steamboat Springs there was a sangha there and on rare occasion I went. My next door neighbor was involved and we would often have meaningful discussions.  In 2009 when we moved to Santa Fe I didn’t do much at all until 2011 when my mother was very ill and I wanted to find something meaningful.  Jon Kabat-Zinn was speaking at the Upaya Zen Center and so I went to their Wednesday night Dharma talk and then signed up for a 4-day workshop Zen Brain: Consciousness and the Fundamental Nature of Mind. It was way over my head but I got a lot out of it.  Meditation and Upaya became more a part of my life.  I attended more workshops and for a while was attending the Wednesday night programs fairly regularly.  When we moved to the south side of town and Upaya was a further trip I rarely went, but I did continue a meditation practice sometimes alone and sometimes with Murray.

So where am I at with my practice.  The first several months here I did not meditate but lately I am returning to a more disciplined practice, finding it extremely helpful.  It is clear this is the spiritual path for me.  As I read more and participate in a Buddhist book group, I am finding so much that can help guide me at this time. I will always be proud of my Jewish heritage and love the years I spent studying and interpreting text and prayers through dance.  The very basic premise of Buddhism, of discovering how suffering can be transformed into peace, is appropriate for me at this time.  InThe Heart of the Buddha, Thich Nhat Hahn encourages us to “embrace your suffering and let it reveal to you the way to peace.”

Picture of Murray taken in Jersey City close to where we lived.  
We think this picture was taken in the early 90’s

[print_link]

A Challenging Film Project

JoAnne Tucker / / Dance in Film, Healing Voices - Personal Stories

What a joy it is to now have Healing Voices-Personal Stories’s new film Out of the Shadow: Shining Light on Domestic Violence posted on Vimeo and our website.  This project and resulting film were more complicated than our earlier films. The idea for the film was brought to us by HV-PS’s board member Leona Stucky-Abbott and grew into a Day of Action Against Domestic Violence held on October 5, 2019.  Check out this website to see where events were held.  In this blog I write about the role that movement and dance played in the Day and in the film.   

One of the things we recommended for the Day of Action was a Die-In to remember and acknowledge the large number of women who have lost their lives to an intimate partner. As we began to share our idea with people, it became clear we needed to establish some basic guidelines for what we meant as a Die-In.  It was not to be a protest but rather a time to remember those women who have lost their lives!!  We gave a basic movement outline…. to have those women who were representing the victims enter first and lie down on the ground.  Other women (who did not want to lie down) and men then made a protective circle around them.  Once everyone was in place, all observed a minute of silence with no movement.  After the minute, with the cue of a chime, one woman began to get up, then help another person up, with the two acknowledging each other before moving on to help another woman up.  Once everyone was up, they affirmed, with dance and gestures, the celebration of life and the message that the violence has to stop.  

We did a demonstration film of our model and provided it to groups so they could get an idea of what to do.  We of course also suggested that they come up with their own ideas too.  You can watch the demonstration film here.  It was exciting to get the videos from the different groups and see what they came up with for October 5th.

We also suggested that each event plan something special to call attention to domestic violence.  I was thrilled that we ended up with three specific dances that play an important role in the film.  Two of the dance pieces were a part of the New York Day of Action held at St. Mark’s Church.  Regina Ress, who organized the NYC event, describes them beautifully in the film and I strongly urge you to watch it.  Briefly, one of the dances was performed and choreographed by Sonali Skandan, who has an East Indian dance company. It is about a courtesan who is trapped and longs to be free. The second dance, Ni Una Carmen Mas (“Not One More Carmen”), was performed by Ivanka Figueroa and choreographed by Gabriela Estrada who enthusiastically signed up to be a part of our Day of Action when we first announced it. 

Screenshot of Sonali Skandan taken from Out of the Shadow
Screenshot of Ni Una Carmen Mas, performed by Ivanka Figueroa 
and choreographed by Gabriela Estrada from Out of the Shadow

Trapped is the third dance piece featured in our film and its history is very interesting.  It is performed by Tiana Lovett with choreography by Lynne Wimmer.  Lynne Wimmer is the co-director and editor of Out of the Shadow and a longtime friend.  We have collaborated on lots of different projects. I suggested she read Leona Stucky-Abbott’s book The Fog of Faith.  Leona is a board member of Healing Voices – Personal Stories, which produced the film.  Leona also brought to us the idea of making a film related to how many women have died from domestic violence –  nearly double the number of men who died in combat from 2001 – 2012. (6,500 U.S. troops were killed in Iraq and Afghanistan while 11,700 women were murdered by intimate partners.)

Screenshot  of Trapped performed by Tiana Lovett with choreography by Lynne Wimmer

In a recent email, Lynne Wimmer wrote:

Leona, your brave, blunt autobiography of your terrifying experiences was what directed me to paw through a collection of old (and I mean old – reel to reel 1 inch tapes) videotapes and discover that the first dance I’d ever choreographed had some purpose besides history. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to work with such a talented, willing creature as Tiana. So, working on this project also sent me back into the dance studio as a choreographer for the first time in six years. I don’t know if I’ll ever venture there again, but it was a nice, short return visit to my former life.

Last year I visited Lynne and loved seeing her work with Tiana and how this very first piece she choreographed could have a wonderful place in the Day of Action or on its own.  As it turned out, Lynne beautifully staged a Die-In in a church as part of a Day of Action event organized by the Gun Violence Prevention Center of Salt Lake City, and later filmed Trapped. 

At some point as Lynne was editing she experimented with seeing how the Grimms’ tale “Old Rink Rank,” which Regina had told in NYC and which we had included (in a shortened version) in the interview we taped at Northern New Mexico College with filmmaker David Lindblom’s students, would work with her dance.  When she shared it with me, I thought, “Wow did that work!” and so it became part of the film.  Regina and Lynne are now thinking of developing this into a film of its own, and I hope they will do that.   It is always very special and fun to see things come together that were not necessarily planned.

To conclude, I honor Lynne Wimmer and the amazing job she did to take a series of photos and video clips from many different groups and edit it into this film.  Her artistic sensitivity, film editing skills, understanding of dance and the choreographic process took this film to a higher level than we imagined!!  THANK YOU, LYNNE.  

[print_link]