Having met the application deadline for the Nathan Cummings grant in the early part of the summer, I didn’t give a lot of thought to the Forgiveness Project specifically but found myself still wrestling with questions that had come up from the week of dancing with Ulla (see blog Exploring German and Jewish Relationships and Forgiveness). Since I had created several pieces on the Holocaust, and the dance company had been part of so many Holocaust memorial programs, I did not yet know how to integrate my new feelings both into my personal life and into my role as Artistic Director of Avodah. So I was wrestling with this when 9/11 happened.
At the time, I lived in Jersey City directly across from the World Trade Center. Each day we took the PATH train into Manhattan, usually via the World Trade Center, to then catch subways to where we were going in the City or sometimes to walk if we were going somewhere in lower Manhattan. While we didn’t live on the river we were only several blocks away from a full view of lower Manhattan. Murray, my husband, had left early that morning and was going to a meeting in midtown. Shortly after the first plane hit the tower I got a very anxious call from our daughter Rachel asking where Dad was. I mentioned he had gone into the city for a meeting. Rachel, who is usually quite calm and matter of fact, told me what had happened and told me to turn on the news. I said I would call and let her know as soon as I heard from Dad. Luckily he called just a few minutes later to say he was safe uptown far from the WTC. I told him to please call Rachel… she needed to hear his voice.
9/11 was particularly intense for Rachel as she had been in the WTC when it had been bombed in 1993. She had been pregnant at the time and had walked down from the 98th floor. I spoke to Rachel again, too. She was not working in the City this time. Then I walked down to the river and watched as the second tower fell. I was glad that I was able to be standing with a neighbor. Soon I went home and just like everyone else watched television and waited to hear again from Murray who had gone to our daughter Julie’s apartment located in Manhattan. Eventually he made it home, that evening.
I think each of us tries to find some kind of comfort in whatever way we can and attempts to figure out how to make sense of such an event, particularly when it is so close to home. In our case, it was directly across the river, and where we got off the PATH train nearly every day. For many days we saw and smelled the smoke. I was quite surprised to get a call one week later from an optical shop just three blocks from where the WTC had been, saying that my glasses were ready to be picked up. And so I found myself taking the 33rd St. PATH into Manhattan and then a subway down to the Fulton Street stop to pick up my glasses. What surprised me the most was how much, so close to the site, was functioning again – subways running, restaurants and businesses open.
Over the next several weeks I observed several things. People were much more open and friendly to each other and in fact people who were only acquaintances hugged each other when seeing they were OK. When I went to teaching jobs in the Jewish community I noticed increased security which was certainly appropriate but also a retreating or closing in that I didn’t quite understand. I was puzzled and trying to figure out things for myself when my good friend Regina suggested I join her and hear Thich Nhat Hanh at Riverside Church the evening of September 25. The evening was presented as a response and call for healing following September 11th. It was my first exposure to him or to any Buddhist/Zen presentation. I found the chanting, ritual, and philosophy very healing. His talk was very powerful. You can read the talk online at https://www.thezensite.com/ZenTeachings/Essence_of_compassion.html
In rereading the talk as I am writing this blog I can see why it had a strong impact on me. The talk opened with:
My Dear friends, I would like to tell you how I practice when I get angry. During the war in Vietnam, there was a lot of injustice, and many thousands, including friends of mine, many disciples of mine, were killed. I got very angry. One time I learned that the city of Ben Tre, a city of three hundred thousand people, was bombarded by American aviation just because some guerillas came to the city and tried to shoot down American aircrafts. The guerillas did not succeed, and after that they went away. And the city was destroyed. And the military man who was responsible for that declared later that he had to destroy the city of Ben Tre to save it. I was very angry.
But at that time, I was already a practitioner, a solid practitioner. I did not say anything, I did not act, because I knew that acting or saying things while you are angry is not wise. It may create a lot of destruction. I went back to myself, recognizing my anger, embracing it, and looked deeply into the nature of my suffering.
Later in the speech he shared:
This summer, a group of Palestinians came to Plum Village and practiced together with a group of Israelis, a few dozen of them. We sponsored their coming and practicing together. In two weeks, they learned to sit together, walk mindfully together, enjoy silent meals together, and sit quietly in order to listen to each other. The practice taken up was very successful. At the end of the two weeks practice, they gave us a wonderful, wonderful report. One lady said, “Thay, this is the first time in my life that I see that peace in the Middle East is possible.”
He also shared a poem of his and I added it to The Forgiveness Project workshop materials.
Here’s the opening verse to the poem.
I hold my face in my two hands
I hold my face in my two hands
My hands
Hollowed to catch what might fall from within me
Deeper than crying
I am not crying.
About a month after 9/11, much to my surprise, I learned that we had received the grant we had applied for in the amount of $25,000 from the Nathan Cummings Foundation to create a dance piece on forgiveness and to take the piece, along with accompanying workshops on forgiveness, to week-long residencies in the four proposed sites.
Over the next several months quite a few prominent Buddhist leaders came to NYC offering free workshops or programs to community members who wanted to attend. I went often and began a meditation practice at home that I found (and still find) very helpful. I also found the idea of keeping one’s heart open and praying for the well being of all people, not just oneself or one’s own community, resonated strongly with me. Later in the winter I would find ways to incorporate these ideas into The Forgiveness Project.
Photo from the Internet
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